Ideally it is expected that one must be truthful and honest in a relationship.

For the relationship to flourish, one should share with the other all of what one is. One should not hide anything, be it feelings and emotions, nascent thoughts and profound insights, little joys and life’s trinkets, bitter fights and fancy flights, cribs and cackles and sweet nothings.

If one were to forge a balanced relationship it would provide strength when one is weak, inspire one to share and derive, respect the earned freedom, live and let live and keep the two hearts forever aglow. In an ideal relationship, one must just be. Being makes the two of them one.

Such a relationship is what we think as mature love - when we are in love. A ’mature love’ that we don’t seek in our adolescent crush, but sometimes get. A relationship that we seek with our ’true love’, but keep loosing it within.

Defective humans that we are, truth hurts us. Honesty is too much to bear. Both these qualities, even if they be virtues, doesn’t ensure a happy relationship. Truth and honesty can only ensure reality. Reality doesn’t necessarily make us always happy.

The addicts that we are to remain forever happy, we shirk the responsibility of a relationship that is too honest to bear. Isn’t that the one that caused this discomfort, this anguish that I don’t deserve? Shouldn’t a relationship always bring me happiness? So we start blaming the relationship for exuding truth and honesty.

The good humans that we are, we do seek remedies. We request the other to exhibit qualities and virtues that could better the relationship. Qualities in others that make us happy. Qualities that may not be native to the other, but could be practiced, if not learnt. Like always smiling and carrying a song in the heart - in particular, when we are around. Never complaining about their part of life to us, but ready to listen to us whenever we complain about our life. Never being critical of reality but always behave calm and composed. Never make us feel insecure with their doubts but only make us always feel good with their success and glory. Re-defining them as what we think they should be for us to remain happy.

In short, the remedy is to request silently the relationship to be less truthful.

And so it goes until we realize the prosperity of a relationship depends only on how much can be faked. We cannot escape us. At least our relationships can be delusional. Being selfish may not be a theological virtue, but it could make us happy. Sometimes, at the cost of a relationship.

Such cynical ruffles can also be ironed. A relationship can still prosper. It requires trust. Trust to confide honestly that one doesn’t yet trust the other entirely. Trust to tell one cannot bear the honesty of the other. That one needs the strength of the other to diffuse one’s weakness. That virtues may be lost in the years, but can be found if reminded.

For this to be possible, one should continue to love the other inclusive of their existing or developed follies. We should remember what we liked in the other in the past, when the relationship flourished. When those virtues are absent in the other now for some reason, that observation should be truthfully shared. The relationship deserve those virtues, those qualities that one liked in the other, to be searched and found, rekindled and rejoiced. When those virtues are very much present in the other, we should be honest to evaluate why then the relationship is not prospering today. If the cause is within, it should be brought out and shared. After all, we like change. We need to ensure the change is for progress.

A dishonest relationship would hurt the other even more than being honest and confide to the other that the relationship requires a rethink. The joy that springs from a relationship requires our mutual trust. Perfection is for those who don’t fart. We seek only excellence in our endeavors.

Our mature love remains an adolescent crush. A honest one.